To The Girl Who Thought She Was Still Ahead Of Someone Else

Gain a little confidence. Because honey, she obviously did.

She had a head start but you picked up the pace. You were (and still are) good. Amazing, even. You chose to take the stairs, making sure you did the hard work before achieving glory and reaching the top. But her? She chose to take the elevator, the cool air, and the relaxing music that came with it. She skipped the efforts and got there before you. That's just how shortcuts work.

I know deep down inside that you felt cheated. Who wouldn't? She got so high up so easily without a sweat and you knew it wasn't fair. And now, she's there, looking down on you because you're still at the bottom; watching you as you painfully crawl yourself up each floor.

Before, she was afraid of you. Threatened, even, of how good you are and how much better than her you've become. You were able to catch up.

She needed assurance. And maybe, getting there before anyone else did (especially you,) made her feel secure. Maybe, it made her feel sure of herself.

And, compared to her, you were never sure.

The last time you met, your skills intimidated her. She was always on guard of the way you could beat her and better her. She was that kind of girl. And you? You never really cared or was ever bothered by it. Until now.

You were bothered that the person who purposely avoided your (what once were) threatening skills, chose you to battle it out with. You were bothered that the person who really wanted to beat you, now thinks that they can. You were bothered that the person who saw you so big before, now saw you as something small.

Her huge boost of confidence overshadowed everything you knew you could do.  It hindered you from continuing to being the best that you could be.

But please, let me tell you this. It doesn't work that way.

You are supposed to use that to fuel your tank of motivation and confidence. Not empty it.

What you used to and have stopped doing? Maybe it's time to start a spark and rekindle the fire. What once was 1, and you have let become 0? You must make it 2. That is how it must be. That is what you should do.

All she did was gain a little confidence and it led her to more than you could imagine. She now believed in herself and her capabilities. It led her to bettering herself and bettering you.

You've been told this so many times already. Maybe now, it's time to listen. You are amazing. You are the best you. You can do it. Because if you aren't going to believe in you, trust me - no one will. And in this business, you should know that by now.

Push yourself a little harder. Climb a few more mountains. Run that extra mile. Swim a little deeper.

Make progress - no matter how small. It will count. Don't aim to be better that her. Just push yourself to be the best you.

Focus on you.

Change

This is something I've been planning to do for such a long time already but too scared to implement --- change.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one right? Although change is the only constant thing in this world, it is often times denied by most people. They're either scared of the outcome or scared of what other people may think of them.

But.. To hell with what other people think! If you want to change, change! Change your appearance, change your attitude, change the cereal you eat in the morning, the type of clothing you wear, even the smallest thing such as your route home.

Change is good. Change gives you new experiences. Change is something we never thought would make us happy. I've been giving this some thought for the past few days and now, i'm finally willing to try it.

Get a haircut, dye your hair, try that different shade of nail polish you've been scared of, maybe even considering changing your room wallpaper. No matter what kind of change, as long as it is a good one. Do it. Stick with it. It'll make you feel better as a person in the long run.

Faith, Hope, and Satisfaction

I look at myself in the mirror and all I see is disappointment. All these flaws, these imperfections.. I hate them. So much. I feel like removing my face and replacing it with someone else's.. Maybe by then, people would notice me more often. Maybe by then, they'd finally give me a second look. Maybe, just maybe, they'd finally give me a chance because I feel like I'd finally be worth it.

I see my friends-I'd look at them and think to myself; "Wow, they're so lucky." They may not be perfect but I'd die trying to trade places with them. Maybe then, life would be easier. They are admired by so many people. Most of them are even in relationships right now. I'm jealous. I am constantly reminded of how I am unfit for anyone because of how lonely I'd feel. I pity me. I pity myself so much.

I often ask myself stuff like "Why don't people ever like me?" "Why am I cursed with this face?" "Why doesn't anybody fall for me? I get lonely too." "Am I really that bad?" But then I realized something - no one will ever be able to love me unless I am able to love myself first. Maybe that's the first thing I should fix.

But I couldn't.

I can't.

We live in a world where people are being judged first by the way they look. This is why people like me feel this way. This is why people like me feel like crawling under a rock, never to come out.

I can never imagine anyone being satisfied with me because I myself am not satisfied. I'm unhappy. And I don't think I'll ever be able to become otherwise.

I'm still hoping to get there someday, though.

I guess this is where faith and hope comes in. It's something that I'll never lose and, to the people out there who feels the same, you shouldn't too.